Baby, I’m Your Fiend

Baby, you’ll never know how much I crave you

I became your fiend, after our first escape

You’ve had me hooked, since the first time you touched my lips,

since the first time I held you in

since the first time I breathed you

 

Baby, you’ve had me

you’ve had me look for you in every corner of my home

you’ve had me searching for a place where we could be alone

but sometimes, I’ve had to share you, just to have you at all

 

And now, since it’s been so long that you were here,

since it’s been so long that I have had you calm my fears

make me smile with delusionary bliss

smell your scent on my fingertips,

I crave you

 

And my body tingles with anxiety – for that next time

for that next rush

for that next heavenly high that only you can bring me

Lift me, let me drift effortlessly

bring me higher to that place, where no one else can make me hurt

where no one else knows…

 

Baby, tell me you love me

because everyone else says that it’s a lie

 

Baby, tell me that you want me

just as bad as I – want to be that high

 

When it’s cold you warm me up

When I’m hot you cool me down

How can I let you go?

 

When he repeatedly broke my heart

When she tore my soul apart

When tears weren’t enough to make me whole…

You were there with me,

How the HELL can I let you go?!?!

 

It makes me wonder what life would be like if you never existed

if you had never blessed my body with your gift

I don’t want to imagine it – I won’t imagine it

 

But as much as I love you, I hate you

because being without you, I don’t feel like me

And I don’t want you being my identity

I can’t have you being what defines me

I can’t have you dictating when I sleep, when I eat, when I breathe

I can’t have you dictating ME

 

And when you’re not there, I don’t sleep!

I toss and toss, I shut my eyes but can’t find that peace

and then I’m angry because you’re not here with me,

because I can’t have you inside of me

 

I have to let you go, Baby

I can’t be with you anymore

And it hurts, and I cringe

we’ve been together for so long

how can I move on, without you with me?

 

Baby, it’s not that I want to,

I’d give anything to hold on

but I’ve given you everything already

and in a moments puff, you’re gone

And my everything goes too

leaving me empty,

leaving me hollow

leaving me craving,

for some more of your intoxication tomorrow

 

But it’s time for me to let you know

that I need to let you go

Even though I already see

that I will never be that free

I will never be that happy

when you’re no longer inside of me

 

Baby, I’m your fiend

Let me hold you once more, before I can let you go

© Jecenia Isis Figueroa
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